Scene 36 – “Classical Gas”

So the husband is sitting at the table listening to music and says, "You know I'd like to hear 'Classical Gas'. It has been awhile." The 9-yr old says, "So you want me to fart?" The husband explains, "No. I'm talking about a song" to where the 9-yr old replies, "Darn, because I have one in stock, ready to go!"

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Scene 34 – “My hunka hunka burnin love” – So my husband and I met at the boys swim lessons after work and were in 2 cars, so when we left I took the 13-yr old with me and we pulled out first. I pulled behind my husband loading the 9-yr old and gave him “The Whistle”.  He proceeded to do a little sexy dance and I said “Shake it, don’t break it baby!”  All I heard from the back seat was, “Mom, please stop!!!!”

Scene 33 – “Damn I’m Old”

So, I’m at the corner store/pharmacy picking up a prescription with my 9-yr old in tow when he says he needs to go to the bathroom.  The pharmacist tells me the bathrooms are behind the employee only door and to have him press “1, 2, 3, 4, pound” to get in.  I do and then he goes to the door and I continue to talk to the pharmacist (the door is only 10 feet away – don’t be mom hating on me – these are funny stories!) .  My son tells me, “Mom, its not working” as he does the pee-pee dance.  I tell him press “1, 2, 3, 4, pound” so he dials 1, 2, 3, 4 and then bangs on the door.  After the pharmacist and I stop rolling on the floor laughing I tell him, “NOT pound on the door . . . press 1, 2, 3, 4 hashtag!”  Damn I’m old!telephone

 

Scene 32 – “Rough Morning”

Something I never thought I’d hear from my 8 year old son – “First I got shot hard in the nipple with the ball gun, then I slammed my thumb really hard on the table AND NOW I have to pick the milk up and put it back in the fridge. I’m not having a really good day!”  Ooohh Kaaaay